Lost and Found
by Lust of Alucard
Summary: Set in the last five minutes of Knockout. (3x24). What if Rick was not the one who saw the sniper and someone else tackled Beckett to the ground? Consequentially, Castle never got to confess his feelings. What would be the outcome? A short, albeit multi-chapter novella which mostly focuses on emotions, with a little plot thrown in to add spice. Read and Review.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

_**Disclaimer: **__Do not own Castle… just playing around in the sandbox for a while._

_**A.N:**__ Short multi-chapter novella set just after Knockout (3x24). A.U from Rise onwards (4x1). Angst ridden beginning, fluffy ending, if I can make it._

_**Summary:**__ What if Rick was not the one who saw the sniper and someone else tackled Beckett to the ground? Consequentially, Castle never got to confess his feelings. What would be the outcome?_

* * *

Richard Castle was living his worst nightmare at the moment. The heart wrenching terror that had been coursing through his veins for the better part of the last hour was slowly suffocating him. Shock and guilt were warring against each other in his mind, slowly but surely tearing his psyche to shreds.

Images flashed through his mind hard and fast, vestiges of the horror they had been through.

**_Montgomery's casket being lowered into the ground…Kate giving the eulogy…Javier tackling Kate to the ground with a shout…...Kate on the ground, bleeding out…Ryan and Esposito picking her up, loading her up in the ambulance._**

Rick's eyes closed, willing the images out, but they still ravaged him endlessly to no end.

**_The gurney speeding along the fluorescent lighted hall…Lanie pleading with Kate, tears in her eyes as Kate struggled to breathe…watching helplessly, hoping against hope, ruing the missed chances, the subtext, the obstacles._**

Richard Castle's imagination, the imagination that had churned out bestsellers, attracted countless women, made him a millionaire author; it was the very same imagination that was his worst enemy now.

The woman he loved was on the table, fighting for her life as the doctors attempted to limit whatever damage the bullet had caused her. Alexis and his mother were seated on either side of him, hands clutched together in suspense, in sorrow and in prayer.

"It's all right Richard, she's a strong woman. She'll be ok, trust in her."

Alexis hugged her dad as he nodded to Martha.

After half an hour, Josh came out of the OT. Fury was plain as day on his face as he shoved Rick into the wall. Everyone watched, shocked into inaction.

"It's all because of you, bastard. She got shot because of you."

He was literally snarling in Castle's face, maliciousness and loathing rampant throughout his expression. Rick was dimly aware of Kevin and Javi attempting to pull Josh back.

"She flat lined _twice_ before they managed to stabilize her! You're the one who reopened her mother's case. Why the hell did you have to come into her life, between us?"

Castle attempted to speak, but Josh cut across him, voice dripping with disdain and hate. "I'll make sure you stay out from now on, asshole."

With that he left Rick straining against the wall, his expression crumpling in abject agony as Esposito and Ryan supported him in a vain attempt to commiserate.

Nearby, Jim Beckett watched on with an unreadable expression on his visage.

* * *

_**A week later:**_

Kate was lying on the bed, alone as Castle came in, holding a bouquet of lilies. She gave him a weak smile.

"Hey Castle."

Rick was stupefied into silence. Never had Kate looked as weak and subdued as she did now. Dark circles clouded the skin around her eyes and she looked pale and emaciated in her hospital gown. She was hooked up to numerous machines around her. Tears came unbidden into his eyes.

"Hello Kate. How're you feeling?"

She quirked an eyebrow as glimpses of the old Kate Beckett shone through.

"Not so good, Castle. I was shot in the chest, if you remember."

He closed his eyes for an instant. He remembered that little fact all too well.

"When are you getting discharged?"

"In a week or so. I'll be going to my father's cabin in the Catskills."

Rick wanted more than anything to be at her side, to look after her. He couldn't leave her alone. It would be too much for him, especially after what had happened in the past few days.

"I'll come with you, Kate." His response was instant.

Kate's expression was downcast.

"That won't be necessary Castle. Dad is going with me."

Rick nodded. Jim Beckett was not one to leave his daughter alone.

"But, I can go too. Kate, in case you need anything, I want to be by your side."

Kate spoke up, her voice now blank as she averted her eyes from his.

"Josh is coming with us, Castle. Dad won't be there all the time. Josh volunteered. He even cancelled his trips overseas for this. It'll be all right."

Rick stood dumbfounded. He had absolutely no response to that, given that his heart was breaking into pieces at this very instant. His voice was weak, pleading as he spoke.

"It is fine, Kate. I'll come and see you there. You can give me the address."

She resolutely shook her head.

"No Castle, I can't ask you to do that. Martha and Alexis need you here. You need to be here, not with me. I'll be all right."

Rick nodded stiffly, trying one last time.

"How will I contact you, Kate? Are you taking your cell with you?"

Her reply was absolute.

"I'll see you Castle. Soon."

Rick knew she was closing herself off. They had had this conversation loads of times to know how it went. He didn't push any further, no matter how much it hurt not too. He excused himself from her room. Backing out, he ran into Josh in the hallway. The doctor didn't say anything, he just gave Castle a smug, self-satisfied look and went on his way.

Rick sighed. He would not be seeing Kate off after her discharge from the hospital, that much was implied. The only assurance he had was of Kate saying 'soon', however flimsy it was.

They didn't know that 'soon' would stretch out longer than either had anticipated.

Unlocking the door and entering the loft, he spied Alexis on the sofa, reading. She looked up at the noise and spotted him. Abandoning her book, she made a beeline for him, hugging him tightly as she spoke into his chest.

"How's Detective Beckett, Dad? Are they going to discharge her soon?"

Rick smiled at her, a smile was more grimace than anything.

"She'll be discharged in a week pumpkin. She's going to her father's cabin with Josh. Apparently, she'll contact me _soon._"

Alexis was finely attuned to her father's moods. It was a side effect of having a doting single parent. Richard Castle had many facets to his persona. She had never seen anyone change moods as quickly as her father could. His playboy persona was a result of having a career that thrived on publicity. After his marriages ended in divorce, by one wife cheating and the other being a woman who couldn't care about anything more than his job, he had long since refused to form any bonds outside family. After a series of short and meaningless trysts, Detective Beckett was one woman that she had seen her father genuinely love. But at the moment, she could only see a broken hearted man. A man who had been pelted with too many refusals, betrayals and missed opportunities in his life. She feared that this might break him irreversibly.

She couldn't help but resent Kate Beckett. Any sympathy and worry for her had disappeared in a jiffy. No matter what happened, the detective had no right to play with her father like she had done. With all the added injuries, heartache and the sleepless nights her dad picked up on the way during his association with the police, Alexis always felt like her father had picked the short end of the stick.

"Dad, I'm so sorry. But don't chase after her if all she does is to lead you on. If something has to happen between you two, it will. But if not, then honestly, it's her loss."

Rick held on to her while Alexis continued in a muffled voice.

"Oh, and a package came for you in the mail today. It's on your desk."

Rick nodded. "Where's your grandmother?"

Alexis let go of him, looking closely at him. "She'll be joining us later for make lunch which I'm going to prepare now. Freshen up and join me in an hour."

Rick kissed her temple and left her to her own devices. Entering his study, he found the package Alexis had told him about. It was unmarked, with only his address printed on it. Slitting it open, he was astonished to find what he did. Newspaper clippings, photographs, compact disks, bank statements, and a whole lot of other material was stuffed into the heavy duty envelope. A sheet of paper, written in a familiar handwriting called out to him. Opening it in haste, Rick sat down to read it.

_Dear Richard,_

_By the time you are reading this letter, I'll be dead and buried. I wrote this letter and compiled this package the day Raglan was shot. It was in storage, directed to be posted and delivered with a single command, which I shall be responsible for, because I have no doubt that they are coming for me. No doubt you have found out what I did, why I protected Kate as much as I did. At first, after all the crimes I committed, after all the things I did, it was to solely protect her and hide myself. For that, I cut a deal with the person responsible to keep Kate off his trail. But later, it changed into a desire to become the best cop, the best captain I could be and to atone for all my mistakes._

_I met Kate when she was just a uniform in Vice. She was young little thing then, fresh out of the academy and ravaged due to Johanna's murder. When I first found out who she was, and her desire to become a homicide detective, I nearly transferred her out to another precinct. Working with her while I lived with the guilt of contributing in part to her mother's death caused me to panic. But as I met her in the city archives for the second time in a week, working through the files while looking into her mother's case, I saw something in her eyes that gave me pause. A need for justice, a need for finding the truth and the spirit of a true cop, something which I had been sorely lacking in my days of starting out. It stumped me and as I thought about it, I realized that I had to support Kate, protect her and enable her achieve her goals._

_For the first few years as detective, Kate was exactly like I envisioned her. She was a serious and dedicated officer of the law, unwavering in her pursuit of the truth. But until you came into her life, I never saw her having any fun. There was just the desire of doing the job, but personal satisfaction was not a factor until you came in. Until your entrance, almost all the cases Kate, Kevin, and Javier solved were due to evidence, both circumstantial and forensic. You taught her the importance of theory and the story behind the case. You must have known that after you came into the precinct, our clearance rate more than doubled. No doubt before you, we had solved plenty of cases as Kate was too good, but your addition to the team made it the best I had ever seen. I was not sure of you when you first came in, but after the first few weeks, I saw how good you were both for the department and Kate. I was proud of the team and happy that Kate had found support, a rock in her life. Hence the reason why I became one of your strong advocates. Honestly, I began to view you as a favourite nephew._

_Your digging into Johanna's case both scared and motivated me. Scared because of secrets coming into light and motivated because for the first time in many years, I sensed an opportunity put the person responsible away. Dick Coonan was caught because of you and your generosity and the thrashing you gave Lockwood and your actions during the Dunn case convinced me of your feelings for Kate. _

_When you went away for the summer to the Hamptons, Kate was ready to go with you. She had broken up with Demming moments before. But your ex-wife turned up and spoiled the party and that, Castle, was the one time I was truly angry with you. Because of you, we had a very tense couple of months and hence the cold reception you received during the first case back._

_I know, right now, that Kate is probably very angry with you due to what happened and my death, but I sincerely believe that you two are destined for each other._

_But I digress._

_My reason for writing this letter and the contents of the package are twofold. One, to give you all the ammunition needed to solve Johanna Beckett's murder, and two, to provide Kate and you the final push you two need to be together. There are several copies of the package in existence. One has gone to you and one to my replacement at the twelfth, Victoria Gates. She is coming in from Internal Affairs, and I personally requested her to be my replacement under the disguise of my retirement. She is incorruptible, and as hard as nails. So any percolation of news to those responsible for this is not possible. Another copy has gone directly to Agent Jordan Shaw and her boss, whom I know personally. So does Victoria. The person we are after is so powerful politically, that even FBI's higher echelons may not be outside his control._

_Finally, the last copy has gone to an old acquaintance of mine. I posted that copy personally after I got Lockwood's message. A retired lawyer, Michael Smith who has connections to the person responsible for all of it. He has been led to believe that his copy is the only one in existence and he has been directed to use that as collateral in exchange for keeping Kate out of danger. Hopefully, anyone tracking his copy will believe that it is only one in existence. You can expect a call from him any time in the next few hours. Play along, he is a temporary player, so his machinations will keep suspicions away from you and those important._

_While you solve Johanna's murder, please keep it away from Kate. Kevin and Javi can be brought into the fold, because they understand the necessity of doing this and keeping Kate away from her personal rabbit-hole. Victoria and Agent Shaw will aid and abet you. Don't worry about it. I have explained everything to them, from my involvement to yours and the packages. Victoria can remain outside the radar easily, partly the reason I asked her to come to the twelfth. Plus I may have recommended the top brass her name as my replacement. And Shaw is a top notch investigator and has a vested interest in you and Kate._

_All the evidence has been collected through a period of more than twenty years, from my detective days to the day of Raglan's murder, which was almost seven months ago. That day, I knew that he had started to tie up loose ends. At first it was a way to keep leverage, but now it is a weapon that I leave in your hands. It will enough to bring that bastard down. If not, I have full faith that you will be able to so._

_I only request that Evelyn and the kids be kept outside this. My name will be kept quiet, I have made arrangements for it to be done, but I hope that you will look after my family for me. Apart from Evelyn and the kids you, Kate, Lanie, Javi and Kevin are my own family, and I hope to God that you all remain happy and healthy._

_Signing off,_

_Roy Montgomery. _

_P.S. Every electronic piece of evidence, including the name and photo of our target is password protected, except for Smith's which has none of the disks and some of the photographs. The password is the first adjective you attached to Kate. Others have their own clues._

Rick had tears streaming down his face as finished the letter. Montgomery knew him too well. He would likely remember the dedication for his first Nikki Heat book for the rest of his life_. _

**_To the extraordinary KB and my friends at the twelfth._**

Looking at his watch, he noted that nearly half an hour had passed. Quickly, he reassembled the package and put in his safe and entered the shower. After changing he joined his daughter and mother for lunch, the events of today running through his mind.

* * *

**A.N:** A bit late considering we are at season six know, but i got on the Castle bandwagon very, very recently. And lately, Caskett has turned into one of my favourite pairings of all time. So please, bear with me on this little cliched adventure. I welcome any and all criticism.

Sincerely,

Lust of Alucard


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

_**Disclaimer:**__Do not own Castle. The frustrating and brilliant A. Marlowe does._

_**Last time:**_

_Rick had tears streaming down his face as finished the letter. Montgomery knew him too well. He would likely remember the dedication for his first Nikki Heat book for the rest of his life. _

_**To the extraordinary KB and my friends at the twelfth**__._

_Looking at his watch, he noted that nearly half an hour had passed. Quickly, he reassembled the package and put in his safe and entered the shower. After changing he joined his daughter and mother for lunch, the events of today running through his mind._

* * *

_**Four Months Later**_

Katherine Beckett walked through the doors of the twelfth precinct, her home away from home for years. The last four months had been painful to say the least. Therapy and very little physical activity was hellish for a woman who had spent almost two decades of her life active on the streets of New York. It had been a hard decision staying away from the city and her friends, but she needed to sort herself out. Seclusion was the best course of action she could decide on. Never mind the little fact that she did not want Rick to see as she was, weakened, pale and far removed from the image of the beautiful, confident detective that he had of her. Plus, the presence of Josh by her side had done little to calm her nerves.

Her relationship with Josh was characterized by the fact that she had looked at him purely as the safer option. He was little more than a warm body to come home to. But he sounded like heaven when compared to the alternative. Kate was an intensely private and closeted person. The reason Josh and she got along so well because he only got to see the outer layer of the onion. He only saw the smart, sexy, confident and successful detective who kicked criminal ass. The fact that he remained out of the country was easy to deal with since it afforded Kate the opportunity to keep one leg out of the door.

It was not the case anymore.

In the last four months, she was sure that Josh had seen glimpses of the real, broken Katherine Beckett. The same Kate that was entirely fixated on her mother's murder. The same Kate that never let anybody into her heart at all. It was inevitable after living in with him in close quarters for four months. He had seen how she truly was, and it had gotten him a little exasperated. The guy had gotten frustrated with her mood swings in only three months. The hope for a future with Josh, which had been burgeoning in her heart after the dirty bomb case was slowly, but surely dying a certain death.

Castle, on the other hand had put up with it for three years. He had peeled off many layers of the Beckett onion. He had seen Kate at her most vulnerable and at her lowest. That notwithstanding, he kept coming back for more. But Kate was not ready for any kind of relationship with Richard Castle. Her own innate fear and his playboy tendencies had her fleeing from any kind of emotional attachment from him. Hence, last year she had consented to date Tom at the drop of a hat, just to ward Castle off. She had been very close to revealing her fledgling feelings to him when he had invited her to his Hampton's gateway. The appearance of Gina had come close to breaking her and she had immediately resolved to hold him at a distance after that.

Nevertheless, Castle had become a constant in her life and still had made a place in her heart. Watching him with Alexis, Martha and people close to him attracted him to her on so many levels. During the phase in the freezer she had come close to revealing her feelings once more. But she had again chickened out, partly due to Josh and partly due to her own reluctance to let him get close to her.

His pleas to her in the hospital still reverberated in her ears. But in her mind, it was better to hold him at arm's length than to suffer from a broken heart. Hence, she had not contacted him in four months and boxed away any feelings related to him away into a tiny corner of her heart. Besides, he would still be at her side. It was selfish of her of him to want him by her side. But he had promised her.

Katherine Beckett had no idea of the shock she was going to receive in a few moments.

* * *

She walked through the doors of the elevator into the homicide floor. The bullpen was abuzz with activity. Once her presence had been registered, applause rang through. After all, Kate Beckett, the best homicide detective in the twelfth had returned into the fold.

She nodded, smiling and shaking hands. After all the noise had died down, she made a beeline for her desk. She saw Ryan and Esposito smiling at her, but on second thoughts, the smiles looked a little forced. Her forehead wrinkled.

"Hey Guys."

They stood and gave her massive hugs. She couldn't help but hug them back tightly even as she winced from the stitches. Four months away included them too. After a few moments, she let go off Ryan and stood back.

"So what's going on? How're things, and what about the sniper?"

She looked around.

"And where's Castle?"

Ryan and Esposito's expressions darkened for a moment and the smiles disappeared as they sat down heavily. Leaning across the desk, Esposito ran a frustrated hand across his face as he considered how to best answer Beckett. There was a lot at stake here.

"Look girl, first of all you have to know that things have changed here, _a lot_. The new Captain, Victoria Gates doesn't tolerate outsiders well. She is a complete 'by-the-book'. Castle was here day and night, investigating your case but after Iron Gates came in, she threw him out straightaway. The guy didn't even protest, no calls to the Mayor or the Commissioner this time. He gave me the files on your case and left, like he had just given up."

Esposito took a long breath while Ryan took up the narrative, his expression no less miserable. All the while, Kate's visage was blank. She was waiting for the worst to come.

"This was about two months ago. The next thing we hear, the guy's next Nikki Heat comes out, stating that it's the final one of the series. The guy had even set up a hefty trust fund for Evelyn and Montgomery's daughters. And there's a _ten million_ donation to the precinct's fund from an _'anonymous donor'_._" _

Ryan's fingers made air quotes here. "Like we couldn't tell. Then a few days ago - about a week or so - we went to meet him, asking the guy to explain and he said that he was done here. Something about 'too much to bear', 'tired of being a hanger-on' and 'the last straw'. Then he said that he got a call from his publishers about a three book deal about a certain British spy and about Nikki going into hibernation. That's all we could get out of him before he hurried off to fetch Alexis from school. We haven't seen him since."

Kate's expression had crumpled upon itself and she sagged in her chair. An intense pain coiled around her, constricting her heart. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think and couldn't feel at all. This was almost as bad as her mother's death and _nothing_ compared to the shooting. Castle was _leaving_. The one constant in her life, the one she depended on for most of the last three years was _leaving_. It was not the flimsy excuse for parting after their second year. This time, it was all too real, all too permanent and was staring her in the face.

He kept his promises, she knew he did. And he had promised her_ always_. But this time, it was her that had broken her promise of calling him. She knew it was her fault. Apparently after a four month hiatus, it had proved too much for him.

She took a deep shuddering breath while trying to piece herself together.

Her feelings for him had festering through the years, from the day she had met him. He knew too much of her, all her secrets, all her tells, everything. There was a reason Nikki Heat resembled her so much. And she knew, that if she gave into him, she would have to dive in with all she was. And she had been scared of that.

She knew that he loved her. It was plainly visible in his actions, his eyes and in the small gestures he made towards her. And what had she done? She had repelled all his advances without a second thought. She had flaunted her boyfriends in front of him. She had graced him with the harshest words he could, all because of a few moments of hot headed anger. She remembered the words they had thrown at each other before Montgomery's shooting.

**_You hide behind relationships with men you don't love…You know what Castle, we are done here. Get out._**

Well, he was getting out. Exactly as she had told him too. Gina, Will, Tom and now Josh were all small blips on the radar now, with the possibility of him being a bygone in her life.

Ryan's voice broke through her pain.

"He has a book signing today, the last one of the series here. If you want to meet him, it's at the main Barnes and Noble, a few blocks away from here."

Kate was out of her chair and sprinting into the captain's office even before Ryan had finished speaking. Fuck Josh and the world and her insecurities. She had to meet him, and now. She could not afford not to.

* * *

_**A.N: **Thank you for the reviews and the favs and follows. There was this particular reviewer who gave me a glowing review and in doing so, ran away with the story's plot. Thanks, 'Arya's Prayers' but I'll thank you even more not to spoil the suspense. Hehe. Additionally, this fic is more about the emotions and feelings between Caskett with a little plot to make it believable. So please do not expect much regarding Johanna's case. Much of it is gonna be behind the scenes, and i'll add some snippets to make sure it seamlessly blends into the timeline i'm working within. _

_But yes, if Montgomery's letter was original, then please feel free to thank me all you want. Hehe._

_Sincerely,_

_Lust of Alucard_


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

_**Disclaimer:**__Do not own Castle. The frustrating and brilliant A. Marlowe does._

_**Last time:**_

_**You hide behind relationships with men you don't love…You know what Castle, we are done here. Get out.**_

_Well, he was getting out. Exactly as she had told him too. Gina, Will, Tom and now Josh were all small blips on the radar now, with the possibility of him being a bygone in her life._

_Ryan's voice broke through her pain._

"_He has a book signing today, the last one of the series here. If you want to meet him, it's at the main Barnes and Noble, a few blocks away from here."_

_Kate was out of her chair and sprinting into the captain's office even before Ryan had finished speaking. Fuck Josh and the world and her insecurities. She had to meet him, and now. She couldn't afford not to._

* * *

_**Now:**_

Kate dashed out of the precinct after a brief word with the new captain. Victoria Gates had been harsh and as different from Montgomery as was possible. But Kate had still managed to get away from the precinct for another day, after promises of taking her re-evaluations.

She needed to get to the bookstore as fast as possible. Whatever happened last year could not be repeated. Their friendship, their easy going banter, her deep rooted trust in him and the almost instinctual sync their thoughts were in, these things were too precious for her to let go. He was too precious to her to let go. It tore her apart to think of his absence from her life. The four months had been torture enough. In the mind of Katherine Beckett, any and all boyfriends and the world itself came second to Richard Castle when it really mattered.

She was scared of that. In fact, she had been scared for the past three years. But today, she forged on.

There was a large crowd at the Barnes and Noble where Richard Castle was signing his book. Rumoured to be the last in series, it had Jameson Rook and Nikki Heat taking a hiatus from their torrid relationship. Reviews were pouring in for Rick's latest novel, which like all its predecessors, was proving to be a bestseller.

The man himself had been sitting at the table for almost six hours, signing books for his fans with an all too fake smile plastered on his face. Alexis was sitting by his side, texting on her phone. In fact, since Kate's dismissal of him almost four months ago, she had stuck to her father like glue, always taking care of him and foregoing her usual outings with her friends to stay with him. His mother and his daughter had been very supportive, a fact for which Rick would be eternally grateful.

Alexis watched her father closely. He looked tired and haggard, a result of his hand, body and face cramping. Scrawling endless signatures and smiling continually for hours on end will do that to you. She had returned her attentions to her phone when she caught a glimpse of Kate Beckett running towards the store through the windows.

Instantly, her expression hardened. She would be dammed of she let Kate hurt her father anymore.

"What's wrong pumpkin?" Rick had noticed the change in Alexis' moods.

Alexis momentarily debated against telling him the truth, but her nature won through.

"Detective Beckett is here dad." She saw her father opening his mouth to reply but cut across him, her expression harsh. "But I can't let her meet you. I just can't let that woman come any closer to you dad, not while you are like this. Especially not after what she did to you and us."

Rick smiled at her protectiveness. He was eternally thankful for whatever he had done in his life to deserve her. "Okay pumpkin, but would you do me a favour?" At her nod, he held out a copy of Frozen Heat. "Give this to her, will you? And go easy on her. She's still recuperating".

Alexis smiled back. Her father was the most tender-hearted man she had ever seen or met. She dropped a kiss on his cheek, attracting sighs from the women in the line in front of them. Rolling her eyes mentally, she hardened her features and strode towards the entrance of the store, ready to give the detective a piece of her mind.

* * *

Katherine Beckett mentally thought back to the occasion she had first met Rick Castle. Apart from getting her book signed once before they started their unorthodox partnership, her meeting with him for their first case would always remain in her mind. His daughter had been laughing at him as she had hauled him away from his own party. But today, as she stared at the young woman blocking her way, the situation couldn't have been more reversed. Never had she seen Alexis so angry. Angry at her. Her pretty face was set in a scowl solely directed at her.

Kate attempted to smile weakly in return. "Hello Alexis, can I speak to your father? It's somewhat urgent."

"No." The prompt refusal had thrown Kate off her rhythm even as Alexis continued her tirade. "Why now? Why now Detective? After all you did, did you think you would be welcome, _at all_?"

Alexis' words and her scathing manner had cut across Kate's, leaving her stunned. Her mouth hung open at this open show of hostility.

"What?" Kate's tone was confused and feeble.

"You left for four months Detective. No calls, no messages, nothing. You didn't spare a single thought to the people here who were worried about you. Me, Grams and most of all, Dad. The people who waited outside that OT for any news of you. Only to have your boyfriend blame the shooting on dad and telling him to stay out of your life."

The news about Josh notwithstanding, Kate attempted to explain herself, but Alexis was not giving her the slightest opening.

"No, Detective. While you were recovering with your boyfriend, you reneged back on the relationship you had with my family. You promised you would contact my dad, soon. Apparently, 'soon' for you means four months' worth of silence."

Kate had tears streaming down her face. She had not only estranged herself from Castle, but also had irreparably ruined her connection with the sweetest family she knew. She had ignored the same family that had taken her in, shown her love and made her feel welcome after her own home blew up. She knew that Alexis had considered her to be a role model. She had ruined _that_ image too. Whatever accusations Alexis was heaping upon her were justified and true.

But it hurt. It hurt a lot.

Alexis however, was not finished.

"My dad loves you Kate. He loves with an intensity that I would have never believed possible. Especially after my mother left him, I didn't think that my father would fall in love again. But after I met you, I began to hope. Especially since my mother, Gina and everyone came second to you in his heart. Did you ever wonder why his marriages failed?"

Kate shook her head, stunned by the open admission of Rick's love for her. Alexis had tears running down her face now.

"When I was three, I and Dad came home from the park to find my mom and her director in Dad's bedroom, a trail of clothes leading away from the loft's door. I was too little to understand what was going on, so dad took me to my room and tucked me in, with the same loving expression that he always had on his face. Whatever happened after that was a foregone conclusion. My dad served the divorce papers, fought tooth and nail to retain sole custody of me and became the best father I could have hoped for."

Alexis took a deep breath, a bitter smile on her lips even as her eyes filled with tears.

"His second marriage was to Gina was a sham and I can tell you detective, he did it mostly to provide a mother for me. But my father's luck in love stayed unchanged. Gina was an editor first and a wife second. She was married to her job and even insisted that my father do the same. Not exactly what dad had envisioned when he married her."

Here, Alexis' expression changed into the same harsh one she had on in the beginning as she shoved the Nikki heat book into Kate's hands.

"And then came you. Detective Kate Beckett. Beautiful, compassionate and self-made. You caught his attention from day one. He was, in fact still is, enamoured with you. But you reciprocated his attentions with rejection. Never gave him a chance. Your refusals caused him to get back with Gina, something for which I still detest both you and him. Regardless, he even wrote books about you. Books like this." Alexis pointed at the book Kate was clutching to her. "Even after I expressed my concerns, he kept going back to the station to see you, hiding his jealousy at your boyfriends from you, all because he wanted to see you happy."

Her tone was almost mocking. "Dad said you were a one-and-done kind of girl. So far, I have failed to see it. So tell me detective, what right do you have to talk to him?"

Kate's reply was shaky but from her heart.

"I'm so sorry Alexis. So very sorry for what I did. Whatever I did cannot be excused at all. I have hurt your father, you, Martha and many of the most important people in my life because of my cowardice. I have nothing to offer to your dad, except this." She took a deep breath, wiping her tears and steeling herself. When she spoke, Kate's voice was as impassioned as Alexis as ever heard it.

"Tell your dad that I love him too. I love him from the bottom of my heart, with all that I am. I love him as I have never loved anyone and probably never will. Whatever has happened between us, the refusals, my attitude towards him, is because I was too afraid of the place he had made in my heart. I was a too big a coward to accept that he is my one-and-done. Because of that, I'm going to lose the only man I ever have loved." Having said her piece, Kate stood there, head bowed. The tears were making a comeback at this point.

Alexis' mouth was hanging open. Whatever she had expected, it was not this. She had to respond.

"Dad is going to Europe on an eight month trip. It's for his research for the James Bond contract and book signings for the Nikki Heat book. He may just come back for Ryan's wedding, but apart from that he's not going to be here."

Kate nodded, steeling herself further for another eight months without him. It hurt even more than she had expected, considering that she had just admitted her feelings for Rick to his daughter. Alexis continued.

"But Kate, when he comes back, please tell him that you love him. He just cannot live without you, not anymore. After all that has happened between you two, the slightest mention of your name has him fleeing from the room. He hides it, but when you didn't call him this summer, it broke him completely. He asked me not to tell you this, but I can't let you go without knowing. And whatever I said before is true, and I am not sorry for saying it. But it is also true that you made him into a better man all around and I still thank you for that."

Kate nodded, drawing Alexis into a tight hug as she let all of her inhibitions concerning Richard Castle go in one fell swoop.

"Tell your father Alexis, that I'll be waiting for him. Tell him that I want the whole nine yards with him. Everything from dating to a proposal to a wedding to kids. He's waited three years for me. Now it's my turn."

With that, she turned away from the store and walked away, not letting Alexis or anyone see the fresh tears that were making an appearance. All except Richard Castle, who had seen and heard the entire conversation, and was now fighting back his own tears.

_Sorry Kate, but it has to be like this. I 'm so sorry for causing you this much pain. While I love you more than anything, I also can't let us be together, not while your mother's murderer is still free. I promised you, and I'm not going to backtrack on my word._

* * *

**A.N:** I Love Stana Katic. Beautiful, sexy, brilliant all the way through. Kate + Katic = match made in casting heaven. Kudos and Thanks to the casting directors of Castle for giving us this drool worthy character.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

_**Disclaimer:**__Do not own Castle. The frustrating and brilliant A. Marlowe does._

_**A.N:**__ Probably what you guys were waiting for. And while I was writing this, the last ten minutes of 'Always' were running through my mind. Beckett's emotions were absolutely spot on. Stana Katic and Nathan Filion were extraordinary in the entire episode. So I request you to picture what you felt then. It sets the mood right up for this chapter. _

_**Last time:**_

"_Tell your father Alexis, that I'll be waiting for him. Tell him that I want the whole nine yards with him. Everything from dating, to a proposal to a wedding to kids. He's waited three years for me. Now it's my turn."_

_With that, she turned away from the store and walked away, not letting Alexis or anyone see the fresh tears that were making an appearance. All except Richard Castle, who had seen and heard the entire conversation, and was now fighting back his own tears._

_**Sorry Kate, but it has to be like this. I 'm so sorry for causing you this much pain. While I love you more than anything, I also can't let us be together, not while your mother's murderer is still free. I promised you, and I'm not going to backtrack on my word.**_

* * *

**Now:**

Kate stopped the engine and looked at her apartment building. Her face was still streaked with tears from her encounter with Alexis. She was still feeling the impact of the conversation she had with Castle's daughter. It seemed that the news of him leaving, and Alexis' words had knocked down the last bit of her walls, and provided her with the push she needed to come clean about her feelings about Castle. Clutching on to Castle's book as if it was a lifeline, she made her way up to her apartment.

And honestly, it felt good. It felt good to let go of all the baggage, all the red tape she had unnecessarily inserted into their relationship. Her father had told her while she was at his cabin, '_Katie-bug, once you meet your one-and-done, nothing else will matter. All the excuses and all the walls you have built around your heart shall be torn down before you know what is happening. Once you experience that, you'll know that you're in true love.'_

Seems like her father had been proven prophetic. Her mother's murder still hung like a dead weight from her neck, but this time she had her love for Castle to help shoulder it. No longer did it feel like a burden. Instead it felt like a helping hand.

Entering the bathroom, she took a shower to get rid of the day's remnants from her person. What she needed now was a glass of wine and a good read. Just as she was starting to get comfortable, a knock sounded on her door. She put down the book on her coffee table and sighed, heading towards the door. When she opened it, she found herself face to face with Josh.

Her mood changed instantly, going from melancholy to annoyed in a jiffy. However, Josh did not notice. He simply entered her personal space and gave her a kiss.

"Hey there, miss me?"

"Josh, what are you doing here?" Kate was mentally thinking of the best course of action. She had to break up with him. If not for Castle, then for her own sanity.

Josh ran a hand through his hair. "I heard you went back into the precinct today. I thought I would come and see you, especially as I'm going back to Haiti next month."

_Oh good, saves me the trouble of finding an excuse, _Kate thought.

"Listen Josh, I was thinking -"

"What's this?" Too late. He had seen Rick's book on her coffee table.

"It's Castle's latest." Josh furrowed an eyebrow as Kate answered. "What? You know I read his books."

"But this is autographed. You didn't say that you were going to meet him." Josh's voice was getting a little angry.

Kate smiled inspite of herself. _Of course Rick would sign my copy._

"What are you smiling about? I thought I told you not to meet him?"

Kate's smile disappeared.

Who did this ass-hat think he was, ordering her around? Her reply was prompt. "You did? I don't remember agreeing to you. And even if you did ask, it's none of your business." Kate thumbed the book tenderly. "Alexis gave this to me."

Josh's face was confused before he replied. "Alexis who? That writer's brat?"

Now Kate was getting seriously ticked off. Her tone was irritated when she spoke. "Listen Josh, and listen clearly. That_ brat_,as you put it, was a part of my life long before you entered it. She is going to remain a part of my life long after your exit. So before you speak to me about her like that, think twice. Or else, trust me when I say you won't like what comes next."

Clearly, Josh was not listening to her, or didn't want to.

"I'll speak about her however I want to. You're my girlfriend and I don't want him or his family around you."

_Perfect. Time to let him down gently._

"About that, I'm breaking up with you. After this summer, I realised we're not _that_ good together. And FYI, I want him around me. He's my partner and you have no say in it." It seemed that she had finally managed to get his attention. He was struck dumb for a moment, before he exploded.

"Breaking up with _me_? _You're breaking up with me_? For what? That man-child with two failed marriages who lives with his mother and has an eighteen year old spoiled brat? The guy who was responsible for your shooting? He probably sleeps with a new woman every day! You're breaking up with me for that _man-whore_? Are you out of your mind?"

_Screw letting him down gently. No one speaks about Castle like that. _Her hand was moving before she knew it.

SLAP!

Josh was silenced as he held his cheek where Kate had just struck him. Her expression was as severe and as pissed off as he had ever seen. He had never seen this side of her and frankly, it unnerved him. He had no idea that this was the Kate Beckett that scared the crap out of New York's worst criminals. The once beautiful eyes were glacial in their intensity. The usual warmth in them was absent as Kate levelled all her ire and frustrations at him in one go. When she spoke, her voice scared him too.

"Listen here you conceited asshole. Richard Castle has been a part of my life _long_ before _you_ came into it. His books are the reason that I even got over my mother's murder. He's the reason I _know anything_ about my mum's murder. He's the reason I'm _even alive now_. He knows things about me you don't. He knows every facet of me and every deep secret of mine. Something you never have, never will."

Kate took a deep breath before continuing. Her tone was scathing at its best as she tore down his deep seated arrogance. Josh's face went ashen as she continued, all his bravado gone.

"His family took me in after I lost my apartment. They gave me the love that I had lost after my mum was murdered. You on the other hand, you were just a hanger-on. Something to make Rick jealous. You never had my heart, because I love him. I love Richard Castle. I loved him before you came, love him now and probably will do forever. Face it Josh, you were sloppy seconds. You were just a convenient distraction that came at the right time. So do not delude yourself into thinking that you know me, that you are something special. Because Richard Castle is ten times the man you'll ever will be."

Here Kate looked into his eyes, driving her point straight past his stunned countenance.

"The reason I went with you was only to make up my mind about him. I've done so, so now kindly get out. And, if I catch you around me or Castle, or speaking about him, Alexis or Martha in tone ever again, or if you ever pull a stunt like you did at the hospital that day, I'll personally put you six feet under. Believe me, you'll never see me coming. Now kindly see yourself out."

The guy probably had never been turned down before. He stood there with his mouth open. Kate stood there with a dismissive expression as she pointed the door. With a last stunned, uncomprehending look at her, Dr Josh Davidson slunk away from Kate Beckett's life forever.

Shaking her head, she celebrated the end of yet another obstacle with a sip of wine. She picked up Rick's book, the glass of wine and curled up on the bed. Opening Rick's latest instalment on their relationship, her bad mood disappeared somewhat. The dedication had her smiling tremulously.

_To Roy Montgomery_

_He was like a father to me and may he rest in peace._

On the same page, he had signed the book for her in his neat, characteristic scrawl.

_And to KB. I miss you._

When Richard Castle came back, she would be ready for him. She got under the covers, readying herself for a night of slumber. Her last thoughts before she drifted off were about him.

_Miss you too Castle. Love you._

* * *

_**A.N:**__ Josh at the receiving end of a Beckett Special. I felt it deserved a chapter of its own. Thoughts?_


End file.
